I'm glad to hear everything is going well back home. We had a baptism this weekend, her name is Karen. She is twenty-one and has three young daughters. She has one set of twins, both three years old (mom here: I thought twins were always the same age as each other...), one named Renoa and the other named Zoey, and then a two year old named Sky. It was a neat experience. I spoke on the importance of baptism, and also was called later to tell everyone why I decided to go on a mission. Then Elder McFarland performed the ordinance. Afterwards Elder Izatt spoke on the Holy Ghost, and I performed the Confirmation.
Things are getting better here, for me and my new companion. We have had a pretty rough start. It has been difficult to be motivated for the past few days, and really I don't know why. However, we spoke for a few hours on Sunday about it all, and concluded to work better as a team. Then afterwards the Zone Leaders came and spoke to us, told us to repent, change, get over it and work hard. Of all the things to be chastised for, I'm glad it is for that thing and not something worse.
Yet, I'm learning a lot about myself in the midst of the "burned out" ordeal. I'm starting to see why I burn out. Why I don't always enjoy myself. I think it goes back to football, baseball, and experiences with friends and coaches. I think of when I was eight and nine years old and how much fun I had in little league football. I loved every bit of it, I'm sure everyone can remember clearly. Always carrying a football around. Always wanting to go play pass. Always wanting to tackle someone. Always wanting to score touchdowns. Always wanting to share my love of football with everyone else. I don't know the exact moment in time, or even exactly what happened, but I do know something caused that passion to seemingly go away. I'm sure it has to do with allowing others to chisel away at my soul, and steal away bits and pieces of me, and then do nothing about it but suffer from the pain as I watch myself slowly melt away (then comes Senior year high school). I am sure, however, that I finally realized all this midway through the baseball season. I think that I realized this and I knew that I needed to do something about it, but the only thing that came to my mind was to leave and serve a full-time mission. I know it was an inspired thought. Because where else would I relearn to give my whole heart to everyone around me, and to share happiness once more instead of sadness. It is similar to the book, "How Full is Your Bucket". I am sure that I have been close to empty several times, and am positive I didn't want to do anything about it, more or less because I was too blind to see that the only way to overcome such depression is by giving unselfish and unconditional love to all those I meet. I know this applies to everyone.
Why was it easy for me to feel that happiness and joy when I was so much younger? Because I shared it. Why wasn't I as happy when I was older? Because I tried to keep what "little" hope I had to myself, and it continued to shrink. It is funny how such things work. It is no wonder the Savior exclaimed that the first and greatest commandment and the second which is like unto it both require the giving of one's heart with all his might, mind, and strength to our Heavenly Father and all those who surround us. It is the only way to be truly happy, the only way to find lasting and even eternal happiness. It is a much more pleasing way of life than being negative and full of darkness all the day long. I think it would be safe to say that love, and light, and truth, are all the same thing. This thought brings me to another scripture in the Book of John, in the eighth chapter, verses thirty-one and thirty-two:
"Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on Him, If ye continue in my word, then ye are my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
So there we go. That is how we become free. Love is the first commandment, or the word. Those who follow the word are the Savior's disciples. Those who are His disciples will know the truth, or will know of light, or more importantly love, and the truth, or light, or love they have gained will MAKE them free.
Anyways, I hope each of you know I love you very much, and that I know this is how each of us are going to become free from our doubting selves. I'm glad we are members of this Church, because I do not know what I would do without this knowledge that brings so much peace and joy. A gospel that allows us to continue in growth and learning forever. This is the place!
I love you,
Austin
Sounds like Austin is having some mission blues and some companion trouble. It's normal. If there were anything I would tell him it would be that the reason the darkness comes when we are older is because we become acutely more aware of things as we get older, things that we were unaware of when we were younger. In the mission field there are many challenges and they are magnified because of our closeness to the Savior and Satan trying to thwart our confidence. The greatest thing we can know is that the Savior accepts our effort in spite of our weaknesses. I remember towards the end of my mission I was feeling like perhaps I was enjoying my mission too much and this was a concern for me because so many were miserable trying to be perfect. During this time I got very sick and was unable to work for a few days. My district leader gave me a blessing and said specifically that my mission was a success because of my joyful heart and to read about Mary and Martha in the Bible and that I had chosen the good part, and sometimes we have to choose joy. Missions are hard and Austin will grow if he remembers that missions like life are to be enjoyed and not just endured like President Hinckley said! God Bless! I enjoy the updates! :)N
ReplyDeleteThanks for the thoughts, Nikki. I'm going to pass them along to Austin if you don't mind. I think it will be good for him to hear! :)W
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