Lighting fires

Palatka, FL

Part I
Dear Family~

Again, I am a little rushed for time because I will be doing some service in a half-hour, but perhaps if I don't write everything down within this time I can get on a computer elsewhere and write some more.

Things are going well here in Florida, for the most part. I feel much like a piece of metal being heated in the fire and hammered over the anvil until being shaped into the sharp sword I need to become. President Barry is continuing to light fires underneath everyone to get us more involved and more focused in the work. It is especially hard because although many of us have been out for some time, we still feel like we don't know everything we are supposed to do. What it is at least forcing me to do is to take a little more time to write down some goals and to make plans of action to go and achieve these goals. One of the big things I need to do is understand my duty more fully. So I am setting up a study plan so I can figure out what I need to do. Also, some of the basic things I don't usually study are the lessons that teach about the commandments and the laws and ordinances of the Church. Odd that I wouldn't study some of the most basic fundamentals of the gospel, I guess for the most part I've taken those things for granted, supposing perhaps I already knew them enough--but I don't. So I am also setting up a study plan so I can more fully learn the ins and outs of the commandments, laws, and ordinances of the gospel. Not just what they require we do, but the blessings that flow from them. To build faith, an individual needs to make a commitment to God that they will do something He has asked them to do, and then to follow through on that commitment. If they do, they will receive the promised rewards of keeping that commitment! Well, as important as the lessons are, they are useless without some type of faith building commitment to go along. Elder Oaks said that when we promise to God that we are going to do something beforehand, that He will bless all the greater if we follow through on our promise. So I am currently in the process of learning for myself the commandments, laws, and ordinances, and the promised blessings that go along with them and then working to build my own foundation by starting with little commitments so as to exercise my own faith. That way, when I am teaching others I can testify from experience, not just belief, that I know that each commitment kept will receive the promised blessings God says He will give.

I personally like the idea of building a foundation from the basics. I think the best thing for myself is to start small, and build my way up, rather than attempting to tackle it all at once as I usually attempt to do. I know I am becoming more focused and more confident because of it and despite the relentless pressure from the President, and other mission leaders, as well as myself, I can see how it helps. I can either make the decision to quit, and give it all up, or I can decide to attack the problem and take the matters into my own hands and accomplish all that I have set out to achieve. The poking and prodding helps, but I don't ever want to have to need that again to get myself going. I want to be able to know what I want. I want to be able to set a specific goal to achieve that desire. Then I want to make an effective and efficient plan to accomplish the goal. Then I want to take, as President Barry says, MASSIVE ACTION to achieve it! I can make course corrections as I go. It is a difficult process to master, but I like where it is taking me. No more letting my environment take control of me!! I am going to take control of IT!!

I have about five minutes left, but hopefully what I have written so far gives you some idea about the work in Palatka. We should be having a baptism this Sunday with Kerry...so that is exciting! He is in his late 50's I believe, has suffered a few strokes, but is ultra-resilient, and always seems to maintain a positive attitude. I'm happy for him and I really hope he'll be able to stay committed to his decision. I think he will. He accepted an assignment to be the ward greeter!

Anyhow, I've got to go. I think I'll send more things later today.

I love you and I'll write again as soon as I can later today!

Part 2
Hello Again~

Well, I'm back to finish what I started. Sorry about some of my jumbled sentences in the last email. I was rushing as fast as I could to get it done.

I'm glad to hear that everyone is doing well and having fun. I'm glad that Aaron was able to pitch. It is tough not being able to watch him play and to see how he is doing, but I just have to pretend for now and soon enough, I'll be able to see! I'm glad to hear Billy is continuing to enjoy his high school career. It sounds like he is on top of the world...maybe he should run for SBO President? And Kendall, I am glad to hear that she had fun at her dance! Hopefully she took some pictures so I can see her wonderful outfit (80's Neon!).

I'm glad to hear you are doing well with the secretary duties of Relief Society. I am sure it is a lot of work, especially with the size of our ward. But you know how to organize and prepare things and to set things in order, so you are perfect for this calling [he's trying to encourage me because I messed up during R.S. yesterday...hahaha]. Oddly enough, in our last district meeting we talked about some of our biggest blow-ups and mistakes. It was fun to learn that we were all human and could make mistakes. Sometimes comic relief is good! Elder Oaks spent the Saturday evening session of Stake Conference in Orange Park telling stories and jokes! Of course he still taught them stuff, but if he can do it... That is my biggest weakness, knowing how to lighten up. I think that is a lot of people's biggest weakness. Perhaps Elder Oaks message wasn't solely meant to teach serious doctrinal principles, but to show the members how to enjoy themselves and be happy?

As far as weight loss goes, I'm not sure what to do other than eat some more food. I've been so busy jumping around from one thing to the next that I haven't been giving my body all the nourishment it needs. It is a good thing I am learning about the importance of building a foundation. Nutrition is a part of a solid foundation! It is also part of maintaining a good attitude and spirituality. That also might account for anxiety and unhappiness. Luckily, the drive I am starting to feel within myself is helping me to overcome wasteful negative thinking and encouraging me to think and do productive and effective and even exciting things. I'm starting to get the feeling I had a long time ago that if I set a goal, and put my mind and heart to it, I can accomplish it. Not that I ever doubted that. It was more whether or not I wanted to set the goal and accomplish something.

I love each of you and am thankful for all that you do and I am excited and fired up to begin the process of accomplishing great things, not just as an individual, but as a family! Let's do it!

Love~

Austin

If I want to be something...I have to do something

Palatka, FL

Dear Family~

I want to write much more than I have time to share. Unfortunately, I am at the library today and I have a short time limit. I was only able to briefly read the emails you sent me, but thank you so much for your thoughts of encouragement and hope.

Elder Oaks was wonderful. I was, and still am very grateful to have met him, and to have shaken his hand. What an example of fearless leadership and divine confidence. After having met two of the Lord's chosen Apostles, and having looked both of them in the eyes, and after having met others of the Quorum of the Seventy, I know that these men indeed are called of God. All you have to do is look at them to know that they are special. You can feel the power that emanates from their presence. Elder Oaks taught and spoke with power and authority and was not afraid whatsoever to hold back the thoughts the Lord put into his mind.

"Set in order the Church" were President Hinckley's words of direction to Elder Oaks many years ago and he, at least to some degree, gave us that same assignment. Establishing the Church has always been the number one priority for missionary work in these last days and that was Elder Oaks' council to us--to establish the Church.

I think I learned more by watching him than I did by listening to him.

"See one. Do one. Teach one." Watch the Apostle. Do as the Apostle does. Teach what you learned.

Not much has changed over the last week except my companion (who is Elder Rasmussen) and the fact that I want to succeed even more than ever before.

As far as fear goes, I am certainly working on eliminating doubt and fear from my diet, as well as all the other things I'm allergic to. I have lost nearly twenty pounds, if the scale we have is correct. I, at this time, weigh about 187 pounds.

Time is about out. As you can tell, I am being very brief in my sentences, so I apologize. I truly wish I could write more, but I am completely out of time. I want each of you to know that I love you and that I look forward to hearing from you again. Tell Billy congratulations on his dancing date! He was looking good! You can tell Chaleh and Madi "hello" for me as well, haha!

I guess the biggest thing I learned from Elder Oaks was this:

Decide what it is you want. Make a decision. Go all out and hold nothing back to accomplish your goal. The Lord expects action, not passive "patience". If I want to be something I have to do something. There is no mountain too tall, no obstacle too great, if I put my mind to it and give all my heart, nothing can stop me (and that goes for all). Choose the right and live life and be happy. That is all.

I love you and I will talk to you soon!

Love~

Austin

Team Captains

1.17.11
Palatka, FL

Dear Family~

I wish I had more time to write this week, but unfortunately I don't. We are at a member's home using their computer for now, but we are going to visit one of our less-active members who has found herself in the nursing home doing rehabilitation after having endured through her second stroke within the span of a month. Hopefully she will be okay.

I'm staying here in Palatka and Elder Lucas is leaving...

President Barry said he loved hearing my email about the "talking with everyone" thing. He said it was spot on. I think I somewhat slowed down in my efforts--well, I didn't do anything quite as out there as I did last Monday, but I still spoke with everyone I could or that was in my path.

I had a thought pass through my mind today as we played basketball with the District. I noticed that to a small degree everyone looked to me as the one who would lead our team to victory. I have hardly ever played basketball and yet, the eyes were still upon me. The thought came through my mind after we lost our game and as I was going to get a drink. I was already burned out because I stayed up late the night before, I wasn't extremely happy that we had lost and what added to my joy was simply the fact that I really don't love basketball all that much (perhaps because I have yet to view myself as someone who was any good at basketball...). Nevertheless, the thought came, and was quite surprising--sometimes the team captain needs to take it upon himself to gain the victory instead of relying on others to do it for him--furthermore, I had a question come to mind a few hours later--What makes a team captain, a team captain? or, Why are certain individuals chosen to be team captains? Because when others fail, the team captain takes charge and ensures victory for his team and this because he knows he can do it and that it is his job to succeed, and so he does.

I'm still not very good at basketball ball, but I discovered within myself that if I truly wanted us to win, I could make the decision to win, and then make it happen...

I don't want to let others do for me what I can do for myself and have been sent here to this earth to do! I can do it! I am meant to do it! The only thing that has ever stopped me is me! Sometimes reality checks are necessary and I think this may have been one of those times. So the question now comes... What am I going to do about it?

Actions always speak louder than words, and if I ever hope to be great, it will never be because of anything I said, but it will be because of who I am and what I have done to serve others. I have to want it for myself first. Joseph Smith said self-aggrandizement was a true principle, so long as the person helping himself was doing all he possibly could to help others achieve the same. I have spent a lot of time trying to help others change, and to be motivated, but I have yet to allow myself to do what I have been trying to help others do! Of course, in bits and pieces, there have been those moments where I let go, but all and all, I haven't let go entirely...

I need to achieve something and I need to make a difference for others, but I also need to give myself the credit I deserve, otherwise I'll always be miserable. Before I can help others achieve greatness, I first need to start helping myself. Oddly enough, that comes in full effect as I fully commit myself to helping others. Here is my new favorite scripture:

"And for their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also might be sanctified through the truth." (John 17:19 The Savior's words to His Father as He offered the great intercessory prayer). If I want to help others, I gotta help myself.

I hope I am not tiring any of you with all the thinking I've been doing!

I love you Mom and Dad. I love you Aaron, Billy, and Kendall. Tell the rest of the family I love them too. :) And tell them thanks for their emails, they really help and I love hearing from them!

Love~

Austin

Let Your Light Shine!

Palatka, FL

Dear Family & Friends~

Man, I love life! There are so many ups and downs in a few moments that sometimes it is hard to know what is even real. This past week was the most eventful week of my mission, the most stressful, the most trying, and it has all culminated to today. Today is the day :)

From the beginning, or rather since last Wednesday:

At 6 am in the morning I got a call from Elder McFarland telling me that he wanted me to go on a two-day trade-off to his area to be with his companion, Elder Taft, and their trainee, Elder Barnes while he came here with Elder Lucas for a day then traveled to Crescent City to be with Elder McArthur for a day. Oddly enough, I had scheduled another trade-off with the Interlachen Elders for the same day I came back from the St. John's area (Elder McFarland's), so all in all, I would be gone from Palatka for three days.

As I was with the Zone Leaders I had a lot of time to think about life and to put things into perspective. Since it wasn't my area I didn't have as much a responsibility for planning and getting things accomplished as they did, so I took full advantage to observe their work and to consider my own. By the end of the exchange I had probably written six or more pages of notes and thoughts on just about everything. The greatest discovery I had was the great power of faith in Christ. I realized that faith was the key to solving all of my problems. Nevertheless, I still didn't fully understand how to implement such faith in my life, so I left my notes alone. I was however, very inspired to make some personal goals for the coming year and am still in the process of finishing up, but it was exciting to me to gain some desire to go out and accomplish something good.

When the exchange ended and I was dropped off, I felt a little more at peace than I had in the past few days and I understand why now--but I'll talk more on that in a minute...

Elder Waetchler is an excellent missionary and has been out just over four months. He had a nice schedule filled up for me when I got [to Interlachen] and we had some rather interesting teaching appointments. They went well, they were just different. But with the new found enlightenment of being with the ZL's, I applied some of the things I learned. The conversations I had with the people went more smoothly and powerfully than some of the ones I have had in a long time, so that was good news. I had forgotten, unfortunately, that that night I was supposed to be interviewing one of their investigators for baptism and when I was reminded of it, I felt a little tinge of anxiety weigh down upon me, but I continued on anyways. When we got to the candidate's home, I felt that I was going to have to tell the person he was going to have to wait, and that the baptism wasn't going to happen as planned. I'm sure you can imagine the added pressure that must have been as the already looming anxiety began to well up inside. We did the interview, and sure enough, it came to a point when I had to tell the person he needed a little more time to get prepared. I didn't want to do it, but I felt that Heavenly Father wouldn't be very happy with me if I would have ignored those feelings. So I expressed my thoughts to the man, and surprisingly, it went much better than I expected. The fact that I told him he needed to wait actually gave him greater motivation to find his testimony. I gave him a blessing to help him have the strength to stay faithful and to build his testimony on the Restoration. This man is married to a member of the Church and she has been praying for many years now that her husband would receive the gospel, and when we came out having resolved to postpone the baptismal date, she was not happy. We tried to comfort her and tell her that it was what Heavenly Father wanted and that it would work out in the end, and we invited her to pray for her own witness of the things that had taken place, but she didn't want anything to do with what we had to say. It was a painful hour of discussion and finally I had had enough and determined to leave because I couldn't stand the anger she had toward us, despite our consistent effort to offer comfort and love, but her husband stopped us, and asked me to leave with a prayer. If there was ever a time prayer was harder than anything else, that was it. I couldn't help but cry the entire way through. I thought I had single-handedly destroyed their family because I told this person to wait a while longer for his baptism. There was no sweet peace afterward, just a mess of confusion and turmoil. But I wouldn't let it get to me and I chose to be optimistic despite the obvious trials that awaited because of the consequences of our difficult discussion that night. I fasted the next day, but by 4 pm I could go no longer and I broke the fast and begged Heavenly Father to help their family to be okay. Oh, the worries I had for them and the misery I felt, thinking I had ruined them forever.

That night I received a phone call from the Interlachen Elders. They gave me the bad news, the particular brother was no longer interested in the Church...then Elder Waetchler chuckled slightly...the person had recommitted himself to be baptized and wanted to do it the very next week (i.e. Saturday). I was blown away. His wife was still upset, however, and was unwilling still to pray about the decision to wait and did not want me to ever set foot in their home again--but I was comforted knowing that at least this person hadn't given up, but was more determined than ever to be baptized. I trusted the guidance the Spirit had given me the previous day, and felt soon enough their family would once again be restored to peace.

Sunday evening I received a phone call, a random number, but I didn't have time to answer so the person, whoever it was, left a voice message. Elder Lucas listened to it first and then smiled and handed me the phone telling me I needed to listen. It was the person's wife calling me to apologize for all the things that had happened a few days earlier, asking for forgiveness, and she invited me to call back if I wished. I did, and we had a nice conversation, just a few minutes, but I forgave her completely and told her how grateful I was that things turned out so much better than I ever thought it would. I was ecstatic to know that everything had turned out right with this family, as I hoped and prayed it would. Heavenly Father heard my prayers, and after allowing my faith to be tried, he blessed their family and blessed me with peace.

Despite the good news, we still had to report numbers that night to the Zone Leaders and our numbers were average, at best. They have remained near the same for some time and I think that has also been a major stress to me. After a three hour talk with Elder McFarland, however, and having been given a "gentle" reproof I felt the motivation to accomplish, and to do, and return, if ever so quietly. I stayed up for a time praying for help and for answers, and yet, I still feel Heavenly father is waiting to give me a real answer--I'm positive He wants me to figure it out myself--I decided I wasn't going to hold back any longer. I will not lie, I still am nervous about talking with people and especially speaking with them in situations that could be considered as awkward (like standing in line at Wal-mart, or talking to the cashier, or stopping the car to talk to a person on the sidewalk, talking with the guy who came to check the electrical output, etc...), but I understood that Heavenly Father sent me to share the gospel with all His children, not just some of them, and so today I opened my mouth. I may not have been dressed in full missionary attire since it is a p-day, but I made it a point to speak with everyone I could (and those situations above were some of the things I have already done today). It is time to face fears and get over worries and nothing will help me to do that better than by actually facing them and overcoming them by doing that which frightens me the most--AWKWARDNESS!!

So, here we go again, we are off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz. Not really, but we are definitely on a journey and it starts today. :) It is okay to be great! It is okay to be brilliant! Christ says that men do not light a fire to hide under a bushel, but to hold it up so all can see it. That is the key, all can see it! A flame is meant to be seen and the warmth is meant to be felt. If you have a flame that burns brightly within but are afraid to let others see it, then what good does it do you or anyone else? Absolutely nothing. So, for myself, it is time to let go and MOVE ON!! with life already and to let the light I have shine! How fitting. :)

I love each of you and wish you a wonderful week! Talk to you soon!

Love~

Austin

St. Augustine...the oldest city in America

St. Augustine, FL

Dear Family~

I'm sad to have to say this, but I legitimately only have ten minutes to write this email. It is about 8:50 p.m. and I only have until 9:00 p.m. We went to St. Augustine, the oldest city in America, today. It was a lot of fun, but I'll have to tell you more about it next week. My favorite part was being able to run around at the fortress just slightly off the coast of the river running through St. Augustine. We also walked on St. George Street, the oldest street in America. There were other neat things, but I didn't really get any souvenirs; however, I made sure to take some pictures. It was good to be able to do something fun.

I love you Mom, Dad, Aaron, Billy, Kendall, & everyone.

Love~

Austin